The Python's Bite

Make your own free website on

Stargate and its characters do not belong to me, I'm just borrowing them. Monty Python and The Holy Grail is the Property of the Python's and no infringement is intended. Please don't sue?

I hope you enjoy this little story. It is done out of respect for those comedy greats, John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Grahm Chapman and Terry Gilliam, collectively known as Monty Python. Happy 30th Anniversary Guys!

The week had been really quite. Missions had come and gone and not a single drama in sight. You know that there has to be something wrong in your life when you actually begin to look forward to a crisis.

Colonel Jack O'Neill had been annoying everyone on base for the past week. He was bored. His team, SG-1, had been on stand down for that time due to the injury that Captain Samantha Carter had received on their last mission. Gate travel was made exceedingly difficult when you were on crutches. So they all had to wait until she could walk properly again. Now it was all right for Daniel, he always had plenty of work to do; he even created work if he had to. Teal'c was just generally useful around the base, so was Carter for that matter. Jack however was at a loose end. The General had everything under control from a military standpoint; he didn't need any help from O'Neill. So the Colonel was left to wander the base, bugging people as he went.

He usually ended up in the same place after he got tired of walking the base, looking for something to do. That place was Daniel's office. He liked it in there; it was so...Daniel. His friend was usually too caught up in whatever rock he was currently studying to take much notice of Jack's presence but O'Neill really didn't mind the lack of conversation. It was really just the presence of another human being that made Jack happy. That and the fact that he could go and sit on Daniel's couch and watch TV. He would usually watch the hockey until he would get to loud and Daniel would turn and give him "The Look".

Now Jack had no idea where Daniel had managed to perfect "The Look", goodness knows that he didn't use it very often, but it was one that would probably make even Apophis tremble in fear before him. Well maybe not Apophis but it certainly had the desired effect on Jack. It said 'Shut up or get out before I do you some serious bodily harm'. Jack usually knew to moderate his volume levels at that point before Daniel could carry out the threat. One thing Jack had learnt in his time: Never Mess With An Annoyed Archeologist!

Today Jack was sauntering down the corridor to Daniel's office as usual, greeting people as he passed. When he got there though he found the room empty.

"That's odd," he thought. "Daniel is always here, during the day. Must have gone to get some food for a change."

He walked into the office and sat down to wait.

After ten minutes he began to get fidgety so he stood up and began poking around the artifacts that littered the office. It was when he began looking at the notes that had been left on the desk that he noticed the piece of paper with his name on it leaning against one of the photo frames.

He picked it up and read it. The note said:

Hi. I am not on the base as you might have guessed. I needed some books at home and have taken my work there. Do not panic. I haven't been abducted.
Fell free to watch TV, I'll see you tomorrow.

"Great." Jack said aloud, "He's gone home. Fell free to watch TV he says. Fine!"

He plunked himself down on the couch and turned on the TV.

O'Neill eventually got bored and decided to go home early but once at his house he felt no relief from the tedium. He tried everything; watching TV, reading, listening to music. It was too early to go up to the roof and look at the stars.

Finally he decided to take action, he grabbed his keys and left the house.

He walked into the familiar entrance of Daniel's building and up the stair to his door. Coming from the other side he could hear a TV and another more unfamiliar sound. Laughter.

Laughter is not something that Jack usually associated with his young friend. In fact he really couldn't recall a time when he had truly let go. That's why it was so odd to hear it now, especially since Daniel was supposed to be working.

Jack knocked on the door and the sounds from inside abruptly stopped and he heard someone coming to the door.

The door opened to reveal Daniel. He was dressed in sweats and looked like he had been laughing for quite some time.

"Oh, hi Jack," he greeted with a smile, "Come on in."

He moved aside to let O'Neill enter the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

"So," O'Neill asked suspiciously, "What's all the hilarity about?"

"Sorry?" Daniel asked innocently.

"What is so funny?" Jack asked in the tone he reserved for recruits that were especially slow on the uptake.

"Oh yeah, the movie." Daniel seemed prepared to leave it at that.


"Well, a friend sent me a copy of this really funny movie that I haven't seen for years. I thought I'd take the afternoon off from the translating and watch it."

"Well, what's it called, don't keep me in suspense?" Jack was really beginning to get impatient.

"I had a room mate in college, from England and he really loved this stuff, got me hooked on it too..."

"What is it Daniel?" Jack snapped

"I really don't think you would like it Jack."

Jack was just about out of patience now and resorted to his own form of "The Look".

"Monty Python's The Holy Grail." Daniel said quickly, unwilling to get his friend angry and spoil his nice afternoon.

"Monty who?"

"You know, Monty Python. British comedy group. Very popular." Jack didn't seem to comprehend. "Look why don't you watch it. I'm sure you'll recognize them when you see them."

Daniel sat back on the couch and Jack took his place in the armchair. They settled in for an evenings viewing.

Sam was rounding the corner to Daniel's office. She had had a hard day yesterday. People wanted estimates for this, theories on that. It had been hectic.

From the office she could hear the sounds of an argument coming from inside.

"Jack, how can you possibly say that it wasn't funny. It was hilarious!"

"I really wonder about you sometimes Daniel." She could hear Jack saying, "It was juvenile drivel."

"How can you say that? They changed the face of comedy, they're geniuses!"

"I really do not call lines like: 'We are the knights that say NI!' and 'Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries' are the works of geniuses."

It was during this last line from Jack when Sam walked in.

"Hey that's from The Holy Grail! I love that movie." She exclaimed when she realized what they were talking about.

"At Last! Someone who knows comedy." Daniel said

"How could you not like it sir? It's a classic." Sam asked her commanding officer.

"A classic? I don't think so. The Three Stooges now that's classic comedy." Daniel just snorted and Sam giggled.

"What?" O'Neill protested. "They're funny!"

"Yeah, right Jack" The archeologist muttered under his breath.

"I heard that Daniel." Jackson just ignored the comment and turned to Sam.

"So what did you like best about it?" He asked her.

"I love the bit where they catapult the cow over the castle walls."

"How about the bit with the killer bunny?"

"That is so cool. And the bit with the questions to cross the bridge."

Jack realized that it was time to go. He really didn't want to have to sit through a discussion about a silly, ridiculous film. He couldn't help a chuckle to himself though.

"That bit with the French man and the castle was quite funny."

He sauntered off down the hall with a smile on his face.

© Starfish1295 October 1999
Disclaimer: I don't own them (although I would like to lock Daniel up in my bedroom and have my wicked way with him but that's not something you really need to know about) They belong to MGM and the other Powers that Be who make the money out of Stargate and Stargate SG-1. Please don't come after me, I'm making no money out of this (in fact I'm probably losing money cause I'm makeing this site instead of working), you'll only end up with 10000 of student loan debt and a raggedy old teddy bear.

Sign My Guestbook Get your own FREE Guestbook from htmlGEAR View My Guestbook
[Home] [Fan Fiction] [About the Show] [Pictures] [Links] [About Me]